Glastonbury Town has made the commitment to go fully Vegan by 2023
Glastonbury Town is to be the first place in Britain to make a radical new commitment to the health of its residents, visitors and the environment. The Town has signed the Vegan Town Pledge, intending to go fully vegan by Spring 2023. Measures are to be introduced gradually from September of this year, to wean the town off meat products and onto far more nutritious alternatives.
Somerset’s Environmental Health Officers, who will be in charge of enforcing the rules when they are fully implemented, will be taking a carrot, rather than a stick, approach to persuading people to adopt the new lifestyle, for the first year at least. While locals will not be compelled to adopt a vegan diet, shops and hospitality in the town will no longer be permitted to sell animal products, so determined carnivores will have to travel elsewhere to purchase meat and dairy. The keeping of livestock within the town will also be prohibited, as will meat barbecues.

Spokesperson for VeG (Vegan Glastonbury) Jen McCrump, is delighted with the news, as she petitioned the Government to implement the Vegan Towns Initiative and then, when successful, suggested Glastonbury as the first Vegan Town. She told me “We’re aiming to provide people with education and alternatives, rather than excluding meat eaters, so we will still allow non vegans to visit the town. Once here we hope they’ll enjoy the vegan meals on offer in our exclusively vegan restaurants and cafes. Of course the town would benefit enormously from increased numbers of vegan visitors too”.
I haven’t been able to establish what the local food shops, cafes and pubs think of the plans as they were too busy getting ready to reopen on April 12th to speak to me. It appears though that some of them were not even aware of the Vegan Town commitment. It’s fortunate then that they still have a couple of years to change their business practices.
There is a concern that some of the local businesses that manufacture non – vegan Somerset specialities will have to relocate. However I spoke to Sue Hobbs of the Vegan Advisory Group for Industry, Nanotechnology and Agriculture who told me “A perfectly good Cheddar cheese alternative can be made from latex and finely powdered kale. Cider can of course be vegan, providing the local cider makers substitute turnips for the traditional rats in the barrels. People will just have to learn to adapt”.

A Rainbow Round the Tor
Of course some will miss the sight of sheep grazing on nearby farmland, but farmer Avena Curry, herself a vegan, has recently moved to the outskirts of the town, and believes she has come up with the perfect alternative. “We need to divide the fields on the lower slopes of the Tor into strips, each one planted with a different coloured vegetable. By autumn the Tor will be surrounded by a rainbow of nutritious foodstuffs, this will feed the Town and create the perfect photo opportunity”.
Although Glastonbury Festival is actually 7 miles away from the Town and therefore out of the scope of VeG, Avena is hoping that Michael Eavis will close down the dairy side of his operation and fully embrace the Vegan ethos. “Look at the demographics, 67% of Festival goers are 24 to 35 years old, social grade AB and come from urban areas, if the festival doesn’t act now chances are the ticket buyers will head to other events with a Vegan ethos anyway”.

Longer term, VeG can see other benefits of compulsory veganism on the townsfolk. Jen told me “We all know that eating meat leads to multiple health complaints, studies show that after only five years of veganism one of the town’s health centres will no longer be needed. The building can then be re-utilized as a centre for classes in vegan cookery, and therapies like crystal healing and Reiki will replace allopathic medicine. Although some may initially be resistant to veganism, we’re sure they will thank us when they are living to a hundred!”.
Here’s the Normal For Glastonbury practical guide to Vegan Glastonbury:
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Nice one for 1st April!
Thanks Maria, I had great fun writing it.
Oh, if only this were true !
Sorry David x
Happy April Fools Day. That was hilarious
Thanks Kirsty, it’s the first funny thing I’ve written in ages. I’m glad lockdown doesn’t appear to have permanently affected my sense of humour, I was getting a bit worried there!
Very good lol. This will have a few glastonians puffing smoke out of their ears (Personal freedom, sovereignty etc).
Happy beginning of April day xxx
Yep, it fooled quite a few, everyone was good natured about it once they got the joke though.
I was so excited to see this that I just had to share the news on my Facebook page. I introduced this gem from Vicki with ‘Breaking news! The future for vegetable farmers in Somerset is bright!’
Thanks Linda x
I am literally seething like a beef casserole on the hob at your mention of the Vegan Advisory Group for Industry, Nanotechnology and Agriculture. Anyone who has dealt with their ridiculous and ill-informed regulations will know they are a right bunch of c@#YZ!
Well done, only about 3 people spotted that one.
Very good. 🤣
The trouble with this April Fool article is that it’s too believable. You should be trying to sell a whopper instead. 😉
I reckon I’m better at saying whoppers than selling them Ian
Could we be the first town in Blighty to reintroduce the Witchcraft Act 1542 instead? Who do I apply to?
I was trying to be a little bit controversial with my April Fools Joke Andrew, but I think your suggestion would have seen me run out of town!
That would certainly free up a lot of local housing.